LOVE FROM LONDON
look who's finally back :)
where do i start?? my...it has been 2 months since i step foot in this foreign country and i must say that these 2 months have been the uber hectic 2 months of my life! time just flies so fast that all the yesterdays seems like weeks ago. i have to say my biggest regret is not doing anything for the past three months before i got here.
i still remember the day that i left for london. i had no feeling whatsoever of excitement, neither was i happy nor sad. i was just plain numb. even after i stepped down in london, i still felt numb. n then the days went by, we started going for orientations and i had to admit i was a getting a lil excited meeting new people and listening to the speeches by the university people.
when lectures started however..then came my depression period. i was constantly feeling depressed about my lectures, how they were totally not the way i had expected it to be..and i kept comparing how interested i was in Economics back in college than I am now over here. i remember the pain of sulking everyday, the stress that was constantly bugging me about whether i made the right choice, the depression of not being able to talk to my parents about it because i didn't want to disappoint them, just the bare feeling of not having anyone to REALLY understand my frustration.
i hated everything..i kept wondering whether i would pull through 3 years here. thoughts about whether i was at the right place and whether i should just crawl back to the comfort of home kept creeping into my mind. it was to the extend that i actually considered going back to malaysia to study. this went on for so long...until some time last week, i decided that i had to put a stop on all this. for some reason i felt that i should be thankful and grateful for being where i am now..a world renowned uni that many people may be fighting hard and dying to get in.
what else could i possibly ask for? as Times rank UCL as the 7th best university in the world??? furthermore, i'm living in central London..being in a city that never sleeps? living in a major global city which is one of the world's leading business and financial centres? what have i got to whine about? so what if the lectures are boring or they don't deliver the lectures in a way tht i find easy to understand?? i came to the conclusion that this was MY choice. i have to be responsible for it... it could be the wrong choice but life has to go on and i figured that it is up to me to work hard for the choice i had made for even if it was wrong, it could turn out right.
so there you have it. my 1 month plus worth of frustration all in a nutshell :) sorry if i bored u to death. but really...no words could explain how depressed and frustrated i was with life back then.
and tht explains my MIA from the blogosphere. toodles!
